Here's to me being still for a fuckin change.

If only y'all knew the fucking week I have had. I mean mai. gahd. I had an anxiety situation, I wouldn't say an attack. Just a situation where I found myself really stressed out about money. It was easily solvable. Okay, I try not to ask folks for money as much as possible, but I'm in the unfortunate situation of wanting to work but needing a job that fits my dance schedule so I don't actually have as many options as I'd like and my only means of making money is wildly irregular at best.

So I freaked out because I didn't have gas money. After already freaking out earlier in the week because I didn't have food or money at all. So long story short, I was desperately trying to find a way to make a quick buck (selling the very laptop that I'm typing on right now, selling my ps2 that I didn't wanna sell and same with my t.v.) and it just continued to fail miserably so I called my mom exhausted and just asked her for some gas money and I'd pay her back after I was able to work.

Skip to now, it all worked out.

Now, back to then.

During the phone call she helped me understand that I'd gotten ahead of myself in my excitement. Everything in my life is looking up for the most part. There aren't too many points in my life that I feel negative emotion about. In fact, it was mostly money that would bring up nervousness and anxiety because I'm actually tryna do something with these dance videos and try to raise the quality of shit, plus I'm trying to get a Data Science certificate from Microsoft which also requires money. just. ugh. I was trying to do everything at once, basically.

I have a bad habit of wanting to focus on, and do, everything that I want to do at the same time. And mom basically highlighted that I was working against myself because I was trying to jump ahead of God. Which makes sense. I think I mentioned earlier that it felt like I was running with all my might and literally going nowhere. Basically, I can't sit still. Even when I'm at rest, my mind is on the go which causes me to want to direct my energy into several different directions at the same time and I wind up not going anywhere or doing anything at all because I literally just can't figure out where to start. So now I'm learning how to be still so that I don't get too far ahead of myself or fall too far behind. I'm practicing being right in the sweet spot of always being in the right place at the right time.