Desperation/Fear of Distraction

SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOO. I've found myself being unnecessarily desperate for a job. Thank God for my mom for revealing that to me. I've somehow found myself scared of getting comfortable with the money I'll be making soon and forget all about going back to SC to resume training under my uncle. So I'm wanting to hurry up and get a job so I can hurry up and get a car and hurry up and save some money so I can hurry up and get back up to South Carolina or else I'll completely forget about it and not move and then I won't be pursuing my dreams and all will fail and I'll hate myself because I never got to do the things that I want to do... Despite the fact that my ideal life involves me doing everything but "normal."

Honestly, I'd rather live in a new hotel every week doing dance and wellness things. I'd like to just drop off and spend a few weeks out of the country because I want to. I want to own a gigantic house for no reason and invite all my friends over all the time. Maybe even make it a special location for wellness retreats or BOPPIN house parties. The point is. A regular job is too inactive for me. And I know this. So my fear of being distracted by the money is irrational. I have a plan. A good plan. It's not going anywhere. Part of me is eager to just get back to SC because bitchin training. Which I could totally handle. Looking forward to a job from a place of eagerness is going to yield a much more exciting and wanted opportunity than looking for a job from a place of desperation born of fear that I'll derail from my wayy too prominent dreams completely.

So I gotta work on honing in on the good feelings behind wanting a job. I've got to focus on and address that eagerness more and go ahead and deactivate the desperation.... I'm not quite sure how to go about doing that, yet ROFL.

Because the truth of the matter is that I am eager to work because of all the extra benefits it'll come with. Like getting a car that's reliable, updating my technology so that I can produce higher quality videos, and of course a few luxury items. Maybe a macbook for multimedia things, definitely a gear s3, some bitchin high quality headphones, a nice, loud speaker. You know, things that I've been wanting. More importantly, my certifications. Data Science, PSYCH-K Basic, Advanced, and Pro. Look forward to the shit that I get to do as a result of having a job and I'll be alright. (Pay off some debts!)

In other news, I'll hopefully be doing dance videos again soon buhcauz I found out what I can do in place of #Drunkeography for now.